For Neal, having something that he doesn't know how to fix, is the worst. Because there is the feeling knowing that something isn't right. It's hanging over his head, and it sits there, just waiting to drop. He tries to check to see if there is any news to what it could have been, but there is nothing. His company is fine. He's fine, physically. But something is off. Because he can't remember what he did. He can't remember what he said, to make himself feel as though he betrayed her.
The moment that thought comes through his head, he knows that is the word he was looking for. Betrayed. But he can't figure out why. But if this ‘Victor', who claims to know him, had answers before, perhaps he left answers again.
It took longer to find the letter this time. It was buried deep under papers at Neal's desk, as it appeared that Victor was working on something but it's a lot of numbers and equations that Neal doesn't exactly understand. Which also confuses him, because of a man of science, nothing should baffle him quite as much as these notations do. Everything is baffling lately. He hates it.
Typically, I find that I am quite good at words. Using them to portray (or hide) exactly what I want, it comes easily to me. Yet, I find it hard to find the words here.
I've hurt her. We have hurt her. There are things in my life, in my past that I cannot begin to explain to you, and I fear in that if I tell you too much, you may find everything even more difficult to understand. Just know that...I was not honest with her. About a lot of things, but mostly, at first, of who I was. I thought that she would have recognized me at the start, and when she did not, I tried to make the situation work for me. I went about it the wrong way.
I'm still trying to figure out basic human interactions, you see. It's been a long time since I've taken others needs into consideration. It's a long story.
For now, just know that I will try to do something to fix this. I don't know how, but I will.
He's not exactly sure why he thought this letter would actually explain anything. Because this ‘Victor' seems more concerned with what is stuck in his own mind than explaining anything else. Because no matter what, his main objective seems to be taking care of himself above all else. Which, of course, does not help Neal. Not in the slightest.
He's sitting at his desk, staring at the letter in his hand for longer than he cares to admit when his cellphone rings. When he sees the name on the phone, his hand hesitates to pick up the phone. Because there is something that he can't apologize for, because he doesn't know what he did. There is nothing he can do, and for a moment, he thinks of not answering.
He picks up the phone at the very last minute, clearing his throat as he does so, but he doesn't say anything for a moment. Until he finally says, "Hi."
The pause on the other end is long, and he doesn't fault her for it. He thinks that whatever he's feeling, she must be feeling too. He doesn't like it.
Finally, she speaks. Hey, it's Sophia. There's something I need to talk you about.
He inhales sharply, and slowly exhales. "Sure. I'm here."