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as i'm sure (none of) you are aware, walking disaster #1 lavender blankley is currently on her press tour with 90s mega hottie scott whitcombe for that shitty space film that's getting shoved down our throats for some unknown reason. this story isn't about them, though. this story is about lav's partner in crime, walking disaster #2 poppy mulbright.
now, first and foremost, if you needed further proof that poppy's career is rapidly going drown the drain, this whole press tour is probably it. instead of having any projects lined up and doing any actual, you know, work, she's trailing after lavender like some pathetic dog on this press tour. WHICH BRINGS US TO THIS STORY. so, pops, lav, and their old man tagalong (aka henry bryde) went out for dinner at lorenz adlon, because of course, and then sauntered their pampered asses over to the liberate - where my friends and i just happened to be spending our night, because we're sophisticated as hell sometimes.
now, this is a classy fucking place, guys. it's probably the classiest bar in all of berlin, and these assholes saunter in like they own the place, already clearly plastered from dinner. they're ordering more booze, bossing everyone around, poppy's tried to shove her tongue down a waiter's throat twice. so, anyway, it's like half an hour in and poppy's pounded, like, four or five glasses of champagne at this point, and then out of nowhere, pulls out a line of fucking coke like it's no big deal. i'm surprised she didn't sit there and shoot up, honestly. i'm pretty sure she does that, too? wasn't there a big tmz article on it a couple years back? i'll admit, it's not like this bar is always drug free, but it's usually pot? people aren't usually doing hard shit on the settees? anyway, i'm getting off track. SO THIS BITCH LITERALLY SNORTS A LINE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR, and naturally, a friend of mine decides to document it. why wouldn't you, you know? so he's got this video of it, and it's up on instagram in, like, two minutes.
once she realised what happened, she flipped her fucking lid. i think she was trying to be intimidating, like stomping over and trying to bully us into taking it down, but it came out mostly incoherent. like, i'm not kidding, girl was so sloshed and strung out, she could hardly stick two words together. her bodyguard (who is hella built, btw) had to come over and sit her back down, i think he thought she was going to hurt herself. at that point she pounded another few glasses of champagne and promptly forgot about it/us, and just went back to being a little too handsy with lavender. poor old man tagalong got cockblocked hard, to say the least (though which one of them he's trying to shag remains to be seen; my money's on lav, poppy seems like a walking std and he seems marginally better than that). they don't just sit there quietly though, no no - they're trying to dance on the bar, they're getting really loud and obnoxious, poppy's still trying to feel everyone up and they're just generally making such a fucking scene. a manager came out from the back to have a pow wow with the security team, and i think they were on their way to kicking the little trio out, but they finally left on their own like ten minutes later.
poppy could barely even walk, honestly. this article makes it seem like poppy was being a ~helpful but handsy friend by grabbing lavender's tits, but i swear to god it was mostly because she couldn't fucking stand up. (which, side note, why did old man tagalong not help either sister out instead of trailing along behind them like a sadsack?)
anyway, since perez is going nuts with the whole coke instagram video (props to my girl marie, you're the sneakiest bb), i just wanted to do my duty and help fill in the gaps for you guys!!! xx
mulbrights
Okay, you know what? I usually try to stay out of this kind of petty shit, but I am so so so sick of all the trash talking that has been happening in Poppy's tag the last few months. So "settle in and buckle up", because I'm about to blow your ridiculous addict and slut shaming to bits.
First of all, Poppy isn't the first person to follow someone else on the press circuit. That is not an indication of a "failing career" at all. Actors follows significant others around all the time (not that I am saying they're dating, I've never been a believer that these two are anything but very close friends, acting handsy or not), and friends are no different. If you're close and you want to spend time with someone, why wouldn't you just hop on a train and meet them? Us ~mortals do the same thing, it just seems grander because we hop to a different town, while celebrities are usually hopping to a different country.
And as for a "failing career", did none of you see Room? SHE WON AN OSCAR, YOU GUYS. A GOD FUCKING DAMN OSCAR. And if any of you come at me with that "I bet she just fucked her way to that award" bullshit, I will politely direct you to a) watch the movie, she was phenomenal and b) peep the four other major awards she received for it so DON'T EVEN TRY ME. She won an Oscar, she has a film coming out in 2017, the third series of Grantchester will get released probably in the autumn. She's got stuff on the horizon, just because she's not constantly working doesn't mean her career is "going down the drain." Constantly working is not an indication of a good career, anyway. She picks things she wants to do, she doesn't do movies just for the sake of doing them, so sit down and shut up with that talk.
On top of all that, I'm pretty sure this is the 21st century. I'm pretty sure women should be allowed to do whatever the hell they please with their bodies and their sexuality, and if for Poppy that's flirting it up with cute waiters, more power to her. She's notorious for being handsy, that's just her MO. She's never gotten aggressive, no one's ever come out and complained about it. Don't get salty just because she can get some whenever she wants and you probably look like a potato. Personally, I've always been in the camp that her over the top flirting stems from really deep self-esteem and confidence issues given how much she's struggled with depression and I really don't think she sleeps around as much as she says she sleeps around, but that's another topic for another day.
Furthermore, why is Poppy the only one getting all the shade? Lavender is just as messy, Lavender is just as problematic, and just because she's never been to rehab (which is literally categorically a cry for help, so at least Poppy was trying, you guys), no one trashes her the way they trash Poppy? That makes no logical fucking sense. Am I saying Poppy is a perfect person? No, by absolutely no means. She's problematic. She's messy. But she doesn't deserve to have every aspect of her life picked apart just because some pathetic Tumblr user thinks it's fun. Drug addiction is not something to be taken lightly. Drug addiction is a life destroyer and I for one am saddened that she is still battling those demons. Just because she's in the public eye does not mean you can pass judgement on her like you're some sort of superior saint; you don't know her, you don't know her story, you don't know what she's dealing with. Back the fuck off.
Which actually brings me to my next point - why would you think it's okay to tape her and plaster it all over social media in the first place? That is such a gross invasion of privacy. Yes, I know she did it in public. No, I am not condoning that. But how would you feel if you had a bunch of assholes staring at you while you're trying to have a night out with your mates and they kept taping you? That's not called being cute or funny, that's called ruining lives. You need to grow the fuck up and stop being a bully, it's just pathetic.
AND A GOOD NOTE TO END ON, she's a literal Princess? Your fave could never.
#poppy mulbright#poppy schwarzenberg-mulbright#lavender blankley
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